Wrote this poem, and I want a couple opinions on it?

Im sorry I cant give a detailed critque but I have to say I didnt enjoy it because it didnt flow - in my mind at least. I know its only a rough draft but it didnt work for me. I guess poetry is more of a personal thing so my thoughts are of little consequence to you. I have not written any myself for a long time, but I used to like poetry that rolled off the tongue a little smoother. Have fun working on the final version anyway.